Looney Lawn Ornaments

 

We haven't had a lawn in about 15 years, so perhaps we're behind a bit on lawn ornamentation trends. Just like everything, you can underdo and overdo. We always thought a lawn looked good with some landscaping, a berm with some flowers, shrubs. The usual thing. The boat has a foredeck and an aft deck … no lawn and no ornamentation. No grass to mow either, though we do have to scrape the grass off the bottom once in awhile.

We've been land-bound for the last few months and I've started to notice people's lawns and the ornaments they add, beyond the natural, to enhance their lawn experience, as it were. For instance, there are those metallic balls that sit on pedestals. I can't figure out what they're for. I must admit my parents had one at one of our houses when I was growing up and at age 11, I thought it was beautiful. Even then I was easily distracted by shiny things.

I've seen mini-wishing wells (wishing someone would mow the lawn?), Virgin Marys housed in bathtub halves, Buddhas surrounded by pansies, all manner of animal statues and even a bicycle with a scarecrow rider wedged in the V of a tree.

The most bizarre display, however, is not far away. Lin and I were looking for yard sales one morning and came across this spectacle quite unexpectedly in the midst of a rather nice neighborhood. It's a cross between “My Big Fat Greek Wedding” and “The Griswolds Do Lawn Ornamentation”. It's over the top. A stately Statue of Liberty stands in a cement pond with a large American flag backdrop. Very patriotic until you see the elephant spouting water, the King Kong statue and the alligator. Exactly what were they thinking?

Roman statues adorn other parts of the lawn as well as fountains adorned with angels, frogs, turtles, cranes and dogs. It's pretty visually intensive.

Then there's the huge Jesus statue midst a herd of deer just in front of the basketball backboard.

When we were in California last year, we came across Poor Man's Bronze, a place that specialized in large, unusual lawn art. There's obviously a market for this stuff. I really should put these people in touch. It would be a marriage made in heaven.

I've been looking for lawn gnomes, but haven't found any on display yet. I did find a Lawn Gnome Superstore on-line which not only boasts the world's largest collection of lawn gnomes doing all manner of gnomish things, but it also offers motion-activated talking gnomes. How good is that? David has indicated that the chance of us selling the boat and having a house with a lawn on which I place talking gnomes is probably nil. One can only hope. By the way, one of the biggest garden gnome displays? Canberra, Australia. And I thought Yanks were the only crazy ones?

Media Overload

 

One thing about living on land that's both time-consuming and sometimes overwhelming … access to too much media. When we're aboard Nine of Cups, we're quite insulated from many world happenings and even local occurrences sometimes. We rarely give a thought to politics or which famous people have died. Out of sight, out of mind. Ignorance is bliss ... and all those other overused cliches apply.

So here we are 20 minutes from Boston, USA and we're absolutely overloaded with news. On the boat we have limited internet. We pay by the byte and we're cheap … no time is wasted surfing or following a thread somewhere … or nowhere. Here we have unlimited internet and, oh my, do we ever use it. It's almost embarrassing how much time we spend on our computers here, instead of performing boat chores or walking to the grocery for tonight's dinner or doing something more productive when we are on the boat.

Oh sure, on the boat we like to know if we're at war with any country we might be visiting and it's good to know about major world catastrophes, especially if they're nearby like earthquakes and subsequent tsunamis. We can usually figure out hurricanes/cyclones on our own as long as we download the weather daily. But do we really need so much other information clogging and cluttering our aging brains? Not that we retain much of it, mind you.

We haven't had a television for more than 14 years. At the moment, however, we have cable which offers a mere 300+ channels. Rarely do we find something worth watching although Bea likes to watch the evening news followed by Wheel of Fortune and Jeopardy and, yup, I'm right there on the couch beside her trying to solve puzzles and ask Jeopardy questions. This I find is a colossal time-waster. I could have my nose stuck in a good book or be writing a blog post or doing a myriad of productive things, but instead ...

We do like watching movies and watch lots of them on the boat on our laptop computers. We snuggle up on the saloon settee, pop some popcorn and watch movies uninterrupted to our hearts' content. It's easy to avoid watching commercials for feminine hygiene products, car insurance and the latest in probiotic yoghurts and how good they are for our digestive tracts. Here, we're inundated with advertising every few minutes… the newest drug releases (nothing recreational) and their requisite side effects and cautions, more feminine hygiene products and the latest in new car releases … not to mention political mud-smearing from time to time.

Now we find ourselves watching weather reports and paying attention to the heat index and the rain forecast, but worrying less about storms and winds. We read the Boston Globe daily and get caught up in the vagaries of the stock market, who's being tried for what crime, what President Obama eats for breakfast (4-6 eggs, potatoes and wheat toast … yikes) and what political blunder the local representative just made. Oh and there's usually some world news, too.

We're not used to having current magazines available (although John on Active Transport usually sends the New Yorker to me for Kindle viewing). Even the doctors' offices have current magazines, believe it or not, and we've visited plenty of doctors and dentists during our time back here in States. Time, Newsweek, People, Good Housekeeping, Golf Digest (ick), You and Arthritis … we read them all. They're there and we read them.

The positive side about too much media? If nothing else, I always have plenty of ideas for blog posts (or rants).

Superheroes...Shazam!

"And if I go crazy then will you still call me Superman?

If I'm alive and well, will you be there holding my hand?

I'll keep you by my side with my superhuman might

Kryptonite"

Kryptonite by 3 Doors Down

Superheroes, as we know them, have been around for decades and they intrigue me. You've gotta think that all those ancient myths and legends like Ulysses, Beowulf, Perseus and King Arthur were definitely superheroes in their day. Actually, I learned that the term Super Heroes is a trademark co-owned by DC and Marvel comics. Wikipedia, as usual, offered a tremendous amount of Superhero info.

Superman first appeared in 1938, his reputation spurred on by the popularity of comic books at the time. We've seen Superman movies ...Superman, Superman Returns, Superman 2 – 15 (or so it seems). Man of Steel just opened recently at the local movie theaters. It got me to thinking about the criteria for a superhero in the first place. Here's what I came up with...

1. Superhuman or extraordinary power, but not necessarily human, e.g. Superman is an ET although I think he was a naturalized citizen. And, I guess, not necessarily superhuman, e.g. Batman has enough money to fabricate what he needs to be achieve almost superhuman powers.

2. Saves the world and fights bad guys in spare time. There always seems to be an arch-villain or two and he/she/they are pretty famous, too, and can match powers with the superhero.

3. Cool costume – I like this part the best …. though doubt if I could look as good in leotards or spandex as Wonder Woman.

4. Secret identity – For some reason, they feel the need to hide their identity and if they wear their nifty costumes, even the people closest to them can't figure out who they are. Shame on you, Lois Lane. You were pretty unobservant for a reporter!

What brought all this to mind, by the way, is that I saw a Superman cape in Wal-Mart the other day and I was sorely tempted to buy it … and so I did. I've always wished that I could fly or be super strong or maybe cling to the sides of buildings or beat up bad guys. So far, my wishes have not come true. So, for a mere $6.97, here was my chance. I grasped that bright red cape with a big yellow “S” in my hands and dreamed about flying.

I called my sister, Lin, to come over and try it out with me. She's much more athletic than I am. She did a few pre-flying exercises on the living room floor and headed out to the front yard wearing the new cape. It was then I saw the warning label:

Really? Well, heck, why buy it?