Looney Lawn Ornaments

 

We haven't had a lawn in about 15 years, so perhaps we're behind a bit on lawn ornamentation trends. Just like everything, you can underdo and overdo. We always thought a lawn looked good with some landscaping, a berm with some flowers, shrubs. The usual thing. The boat has a foredeck and an aft deck … no lawn and no ornamentation. No grass to mow either, though we do have to scrape the grass off the bottom once in awhile.

We've been land-bound for the last few months and I've started to notice people's lawns and the ornaments they add, beyond the natural, to enhance their lawn experience, as it were. For instance, there are those metallic balls that sit on pedestals. I can't figure out what they're for. I must admit my parents had one at one of our houses when I was growing up and at age 11, I thought it was beautiful. Even then I was easily distracted by shiny things.

I've seen mini-wishing wells (wishing someone would mow the lawn?), Virgin Marys housed in bathtub halves, Buddhas surrounded by pansies, all manner of animal statues and even a bicycle with a scarecrow rider wedged in the V of a tree.

The most bizarre display, however, is not far away. Lin and I were looking for yard sales one morning and came across this spectacle quite unexpectedly in the midst of a rather nice neighborhood. It's a cross between “My Big Fat Greek Wedding” and “The Griswolds Do Lawn Ornamentation”. It's over the top. A stately Statue of Liberty stands in a cement pond with a large American flag backdrop. Very patriotic until you see the elephant spouting water, the King Kong statue and the alligator. Exactly what were they thinking?

Roman statues adorn other parts of the lawn as well as fountains adorned with angels, frogs, turtles, cranes and dogs. It's pretty visually intensive.

Then there's the huge Jesus statue midst a herd of deer just in front of the basketball backboard.

When we were in California last year, we came across Poor Man's Bronze, a place that specialized in large, unusual lawn art. There's obviously a market for this stuff. I really should put these people in touch. It would be a marriage made in heaven.

I've been looking for lawn gnomes, but haven't found any on display yet. I did find a Lawn Gnome Superstore on-line which not only boasts the world's largest collection of lawn gnomes doing all manner of gnomish things, but it also offers motion-activated talking gnomes. How good is that? David has indicated that the chance of us selling the boat and having a house with a lawn on which I place talking gnomes is probably nil. One can only hope. By the way, one of the biggest garden gnome displays? Canberra, Australia. And I thought Yanks were the only crazy ones?