Blue View – Why do old guys cry so much?

Why do us old guys cry so much?

I used to chuckle when my stepdad, very much a “man’s man”, would tear up and weep at the oddest things as he got older. A performance by Pavarotti or his grandson playing guitar were two things I remember that were sure to start the tears flowing.

Now that I am firmly into the old man category myself, I find that I’m doing the same thing. Pavarotti doesn’t do it for me, but the national anthem at the start of a ball game brings tears to my eyes every time. So will a sentimental movie that a few years ago I would have considered corny mush, as will a news story about an heroic rescue operation. (Actually, it doesn’t even have to be all that heroic – rescuing a cat from a rooftop will probably start the tears nowadays).

Marcie and I enjoy a cup or two of coffee in bed each morning while we take turns reading the morning news to each other; there’s rarely a day anymore, that I can read an entire news article about some inhumanity or catastrophe that doesn’t choke me up so intensely that I can no longer finish reading the article aloud. It happened just this morning as I was reading the story of Emmett Till, the 14 year old Black who was murdered 66 years ago in Mississippi.

It’s not just me, either. My brother Paul, who shares our house, is just as likely to be wiping the tears off his cheeks as I am. Neither of is sad or depressed. Crying for me, anyway, doesn’t seem to be especially cathartic as it is for someone grieving. I just cry.

So, what’s causing this geriatric male sentimental weepiness? Is it something in the air? Something contagious we both caught from our stepdad… or each other? Or is it just part of the aging process? I thought I’d do some research and find out, and I found several possible explanations.

Theory 1: It’s Not Manly to Cry

From the time we are able to walk, males are programmed to suppress their feelings, especially sadness and sorrow… crying is a show of weakness, and we need to exhibit strength. In a study of children under the age of two, males showed emotions such as happiness, hunger and unhappiness significantly more than girls of the same age, but this was totally reversed by the teen years. We go through most of our lives repressing these emotions. So, one theory is that as we get older, we gradually decide that it’s okay to show these emotions and care less about maintaining our stoicism.

That’s a reasonable theory, but in my case, when the Star Spangled Banner is being sung, I don’t consciously think to myself that it’s okay to let the tears flow. Quite the opposite – I’m usually surprised and a little embarrassed at the tears running down my cheeks, and I couldn’t stop them if I tried.

Theory 2: Depression/Unhappiness

There is a long list of the symptoms of depression, and tearfulness is one of them. That is the only symptom I have, however; no feelings of sadness or hopelessness, no thoughts of suicide, no loss of interest in normal activities, no loss of appetite. I’m going to rule this one out.

Theory 3: Dementia

Weepiness and frequent crying seems to be common in patients with Alzheimer and other dementia related disorders. Now, I am a little more forgetful than I used to be, and I’m definitely slower in coming up with the answers on Jeopardy, but as with Theory 2 above, I’m ruling this one out as well.

Theory 4: Male Menopause

Male menopause is the more common term for andropause. It involves a drop in testosterone production in men who are age 50 or older, and is typically around 1% per year. There is quite a long list of possible symptoms of andropause, some of which I certainly exhibit, but weepiness and frequent crying isn’t one of the listed symptoms.

Theory 5: Pseudobulbar Affect (PBA)

According to the Mayo Clinic, “Pseudobulbar affect (PBA) is a condition that's characterized by episodes of sudden uncontrollable and inappropriate laughing or crying. Pseudobulbar affect typically occurs in people with certain neurological conditions or injuries, which might affect the way the brain controls emotion.

If you have pseudobulbar affect you'll experience emotions normally, but you'll sometimes express them in an exaggerated or inappropriate way. As a result, the condition can be embarrassing and disruptive to your daily life.

Pseudobulbar affect often goes undiagnosed or is mistaken for mood disorders. Once diagnosed, however, pseudobulbar affect can be managed with medication.”

I’m going to put PBA in the unlikely pile, but it’s good to know that if this is what Paul and I have, it’s treatable with medication.

Theory 6: Highly Sensitive People (HSPs)

I had no idea that the one in five people who might be considered highly sensitive had their own acronym. HSPs experience things more intensely. Using MRI scans of highly sensitive people’s brains, researchers found that they experience sounds, feelings, and even the presence of other people much more intensely than the average person. One of the traits is a tendency to cry more easily than non-HSPs.

This sounds like a personality type that one is born with, not something that manifests itself as part of the male aging process. I’m ruling this one out as well.

Conclusion:

I certainly didn’t find a conclusive or even a satisfying answer. It may be that it’s a combination of things; perhaps changing hormonal levels combined with the other aspects of the aging process makes men more sensitive, less guarded about their feelings, resulting in the geriatric male weepiness (GMW – I think we should have our own acronym) we’re experiencing. And GMW would likely be even more pronounced for those of us who might already tend towards an HSP personality, or have dementia or depression.

I’m not too worried about it for now, however. I’m sure it’s only a matter of time before a pill is developed for it. In the meantime, tissues are cheap.

See you next week.