A Severe Reprimand and an Open Apology

A disturbing incident occurred the other day and I thought I'd share it with you. I was frustrated with one of our vendors. I didn't think he was being very responsive and dealing with him ended up being quite inconvenient for us. Having owned our own small business for many years and having dealt with customers and their demands, I was disappointed in his level of customer service. When I called, the man with whom I'd been dealing was out. I talked instead with his partner and made my displeasure known. I do not think I was especially rude. I didn't raise my voice, but I did get my point across.

Well, she must have given her partner an earful because that evening I received a scathing e-mail from him in which he proceeded to call me all sorts of nasty names which included, but were not limited to, boastful, condescending, snide and a bully. He said I had upset his partner tremendously and then listed all of my transgressions. He demanded (yes, demanded) an immediate apology to his partner.

I picked up the email late at night and didn't sleep a wink after reading it. First, I was livid and once that passed I was left with a hollow feeling in my heart. I'm usually made of tougher stuff than this, but I think he was describing an ugly American, a stereotype we try hard to avoid, and it hurt me to the bone.

He continued by attacking our blog. “Both she and I would like to know if you consider her one of the third world people you mention on your blogs of Trinidad” and “Your schedule clearly has time to tour our lovely third world country, berating anything that is not good enough for you on your blog.”

Ouch! I went back and re-read the blogs. I didn't see anything that denigrated Trinidadian people nor did I ever use the phrase “third world people”. We didn't like one of the hotels we stayed at and were vocal about it. We were disappointed a couple of times in activities we'd chosen. I think we have the right to be disappointed and write about it.

After seething, I decided that responding immediately would be counter-productive and only add fuel to the fire. He'd only heard one side of the story and I think I had some valid complaints of my own to share. No matter, in order to get the job done and in the name of international relations, I called and apologized to his partner. I made no excuses ... just a straight-out, “I was wrong and I'm sincerely sorry if I upset you” apology. There was no graciousness or sincerity in her acceptance of my apology, only a reluctant “OK. Bye.” and a hang-up.

Once the work was completed (which turned out to be a very good job), the man who had sent the e-mail apologized to David and me. He said his response was not directed at me personally and he was sorry. I guess I need to chock it up to frustration on both sides or a bad day or an over-reaction. Whatever … it saddened me. I wish I could have discussed it more so that he saw my side of the story, but I felt it was best forgotten.

I am, however, sincerely apologetic to the woman who felt I bullied her or was condescending (and all those other things of which I was accused). Whether I intended it or not, if she felt it, I regret it. We have tried in the past 16 years, and all through our lives, to be respectful of all the people we meet, their culture and their countries. Sometimes I guess we fail, perhaps due to impatience, cultural differences or misunderstandings.

If you're a Trini and have been offended by our blogs about your beautiful country, we sincerely apologize. It was not our intent to be snide, nor condescending, nor rude, nor haughty. Our goal is to provide an honest picture of what we see, feel and experience in the places we visit.

Buying a House - It just ain't the same

We've bought several houses over the years. We'd look in the big, fat MLS book, find something we liked, then we'd contact the agent and have a look. If we liked it, we made an offer. We'd negotiate with the Seller a bit, agree on a price, then go sit down with our bank or mortgage lender to arrange the mortgage and the details. We met the banker/mortgage lender in person. We signed contracts and submitted official paperwork. We set a date for the closing where we sat down around a big table with the Sellers, the agents and the bankers and signed the final papers. Money in the form of checks was disbursed, hands were shaken, keys were exchanged and we had a new house.

In today's electronic world, none of what I described above occurs and I resent it. Some aspects are certainly easier. We didn't thumb through a huge book to find houses we liked. Instead, we input our buying criteria, scrolled through various sites, looked at videos and photos and searched comparable housing prices in the neighborhood. Easy-peasy. When we found a few that met our criteria, our agent set up times to look at them. That part was pretty convenient.

In the meantime, we contacted a local bank, but we didn't know anyone there and they didn't know us. We bank electronically, of course. The bank was not competitive on mortgage rates, so we ended up working with all the body-less voices at Quicken Loans/Rocket Mortgage. We provided a host of people we didn't know with every bit of information about our lives (only our sexual habits excluded) and then some. Explaining that we had no debt, no mortgages and lived on a sailboat for the past 15 years was difficult. It's not something they deal with regularly. They set up a “MyQL” file for each of us to which they sent endless questions and attachments. We “Docu-signed” everything electronically. We didn't get to keep the pens. All the initial work with Quicken earned us our first merit badge … a Qualifying Letter, followed soon thereafter (after we mastered another skill) by our second merit badge, an Approval Letter.

When we (the buyers) finally found the house we wanted to buy, our agent filled out an electronic form with our offer which we signed electronically and he sent electronically to the seller's agent. The seller's agent in turn forwarded our offer to the sellers. The sellers weren't satisfied with our offer, so they had their agent draw up a counter offer form which they signed electronically and in the reverse order, it was forwarded to us via various agents. We weren't satisfied with the counter-offer, so we countered the counter-offer … you get my drift. Though this was supposed to be a streamlined process, it took days and days. Had we sat down at a table with the Sellers, we could have probably ironed out the minor differences in an hour or two.

Then followed several weeks of limbo. The lenders were working on all the paperwork, dissecting our lives, snooping in all the nooks and crannies of our financial lives in order to coax any skeletons out of the closets. None found, they created 134 pages of loan disclosures and loan paperwork which they forced us to read in one sitting without blinking our eyes or falling asleep.

Inspections and appraisals took place which necessitated more electronic negotiations with the sellers via the agents. The “other” agent (depending on whether the seller or buyer's agent was talking) was the cause of all delays, mistakes and misunderstandings. That part of the process reminded us of the old days.

Finally, the big day came … closing day. We arrived promptly at 8am. We met with a notary public whom we didn't know, signed a huge ream of papers … but got to use a real ballpoint pen and our own illegible signatures. We signed early in the morning so that our east coast time mortgage lender could still wire funds to our west coast time escrow agent and they could process the purchase and record the transaction with the county clerk. We walked out of the building with no keys and a big, new mortgage. The sellers had appeared the day before and signed. We never met them nor anyone else.

What was supposed to happen next ….

All the paperwork was duly recorded. Our agent showed up in the late afternoon with the keys, more paperwork, and a word of congratulations. What was missing? I guess the personal aspects of the whole procedure. Buying a house is a big life event. Knowing the people you're working with is part of the “feel good” aspect. We also missed out on the pieces of information about the house that only the sellers would know and could have shared with us; all that's now lost. We didn't even get to shake hands with them. Totally unsatisfactory!

What actually happened … and it's probably against the rules

The sellers were still cleaning out the house when we stopped by for a final inspection the night before closing. They were warm, friendly and wonderful and certainly not the impersonal, demanding sellers that caused us angst during the negotiations. They allowed us to wander through the house, gave us some history on the house, improvements they'd made, tips on how to care for the wood floors, etc. They had an extra queen size bed that was nearly new, but they didn't have a place for it. Did we want it? (Yes!) The whole experience was wonderful. We left with mutual hugs (never mind shaking hands) and an exchange of contact information. That's how it's supposed to be!

The Blue View - A Missed Opportunity

Just a day before we were scheduled to leave Guyana, we received an email from a friend telling us of the plight of the sailing vessel Charger. Charger is a tiny, unmanned boat that had been damaged on its voyage across the Atlantic, and was found adrift off the coast of Guyana by a local fisherman. Before long, we had several e-mails from other friends who had read of Charger's plight on Noonsite and knew we were in the vicinity.

Charger is owned by the students at the John Winthrop Middle School in southern Connecticut. The 5-foot, 45-pound, self-righting sailboat was launched north of the Bahamas in June 2012 to chart Atlantic currents as part of the NOAA “Drifter” program that is helping students and scientists map the oceans' currents. Charger is not only self-righting, but self-steering and self-tending as well. She has solar panels, a battery and a GPS transmitter that sends out its position every two hours. Pretty clever.

Over the next 2-1/2 years, she sailed more than 16,000 miles. (That's about the same distance we sail during a similar period of time). She was blown ashore, undamaged, on Myrtle Beach, SC. She was relaunched and next went ashore off northeastern Newfoundland. She was banged up a bit, but was repaired by the St. Johns School of Ocean Technology Marine Institute and relaunched. Her erratic, Atlantic journey continued, going ashore in Wales, then Portugal and finally ending up off the coast of Guyana in December, 2014. She's now living with the fisherman's family, awaiting either repairs or transport home. Her passages sound quite similar to ours – sail about 6,000 nm per year, stopping in exotic ports here and there for repairs, some inland travel and visiting with the locals.

After some investigation, the fisherman that found Charger was located. The battery and GPS unit were dead, making repairs difficult, and the plan was to try and find a way to transport her home. Andy Colloton of Shipwright Technical Services in Connecticut has been assisting the school in its efforts to get Charger back. He's been getting the word out to the seafaring community and is coordinating the effort to get her home. Lots of people have offered help. The U.S. Coast Guard offered to deliver it back to Connecticut if someone could get it as far as one of their Caribbean stations. Other yachties and even a pilot offered to help get the vessel from Trinidad to Puerto Rico. All that was needed was to find a way to get her from Guyana to Trinidad.

Since we were in Guyana, only 40 or so miles from Georgetown where Charger was currently residing, and were heading to Trinidad, we were obviously in a position to help out. It wouldn't be difficult to lash Charger down on our aft deck and bring her along on the passage. The only issue was the timing – we had already booked a flight out of Trinidad and the time was getting short.

We contacted Andy and the school teacher in charge of the project, and got very enthusiastic responses in reply. They fired off an email to the fisherman and we waited for his response on how best to get Charger to Nine of Cups. When there was no reply, they sent another email and we waited. And waited some more. Either the fisherman wasn't checking his email or was out fishing. We delayed our departure another three days, and when there still wasn't any response, we reluctantly checked out of Guyana and headed for Trinidad without Charger. Too bad – Charger would have been well on her way to completing the Atlantic circle following the route of the early explorers, and we would have had a couple of great blogs.

If you know anyone in Guyana or heading to Guyana by boat that could help, contact Andy and perhaps they'll be able to help transport Charger back home for repairs. She is surely getting homesick for her old friends and family.